Tolkien Purists Enraged by New Character (satire)

BBSpot: Peter Jackson has announced the addition of a new character in "Return of the King," - Jar-Jaromir. Fans of Peter Jackson's first two installments of "Lord of the Rings" are outraged by the reported addition of a new character to the last film, "The Return of the King." Jar-Jaromir has been digitally added to attract a younger audience who will purchase more merchandise, but fans appear to be very unhappy by the addition.

Producer Tim Wilcox is elated by the new character. "People complained a lot about Gimli just being there for comic relief," continued Wilcox. "We answer that criticism by directing the humor through Jar-Jaromir in The Return of the King. There's this funny scene where Jar-Jaromir decides it's best to hand the ring over to Sauron, but then he drops it and kicks it into Mount Doom. Hi-larious."

Meesa going to be sick!

Ever since Star Wars Episode I, all movies have divided themselves into two categories in my mind:

  1. Bad movies include "anything that contains even one frame with Jar-Jar visible."
  2. Good movies include "those which have no Jar-Jar frames."

I might be willing to make an exception to my personal rating system if Episode III has Jar-Jar getting stuffed headfirst into the Protein Reclamation Unit.

Thank goodness this article is just a satire. It is just satire, right? [shudder]