The FOIA is the U.S. law which gives citizens the right to access government records where no compelling need exists for secrecy. SCAtoday.net has filed a request, quoted in full herein, to obtain certain records from the Society for Creative Anachronism, Inc. The Society Seneschal's response, however, was unsatisfactory, to wit: "Please re-submit in ninety days for final disapproval."
In light of this clear example of stonewalling and cover-up by our duly appointed leaders, SCAtoday.net chooses to exercise the time-honored tool of mud-slinging and innuendo until they acquiesce to our perfectly-reasonable demands to examine their viscera under surgical lighting in a semi-sterile environment.
The denied FOIA request reads as follows:
NOTICE OF PROCESS SERVICE TO: G. Reed, Society for Creative Anachronism
PURPOSE OF REQUEST: Journalistic access to certain official SCA records
Under the Freedom of Information Act, 5 U.S.C. subsection 552, I am requesting information or records on the APRIL 1 SOCIETY SENESCHAL REPORT and all previously released Known World Intelligence Estimates (KWIEs) on the ENTITY FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE KINGDOM OF CALONTIR.
If there are any fees for searching for, reviewing, or copying the records, please let me know before you task my request. Or, if the cost is less than US$100, you may invoice [some poor patsy's name redacted], who will promptly remit the full amount. If not, you are hereby granted permission to exercise all necessary force to obtain payment, provided no fractures are incurred above the knees.
It is the intent of the publication known as SCAtoday.net to publish, reproduce, and widely distribute this information in the public interest and to provide full transparency into the squirming entrails of our leaders. Your full cooperation in this matter will (probably) eliminate the necessity for us to send our commando team to kick down your door, throw you to the floor, and slice open your abdomen in order to gain access to said squirming entrails.
If you deny all or any part of this request, please cite each specific exemption you think justifies your refusal to release the information and notify me of appeal procedures available under the law.
Iustinos Tekton called Justin
Mudslinging™ and Innuendo™ are registered trademarks of SCAtoday.net for its product line of Balanced and Unbiased™ news reports. Freedom™ is a registered trademark of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, and is used by permission under terms of the USAPATRIOT Act. The National Security Agency is hereby acknowledged not to exist, and not to be a subsidiary of the SCA Board of Directors.
Okay, we admit it! This story was an April Fool's Day parody. Actually, it was a double parody, because the bogus FOIA request actually was sent to Master Aaron, the Society Seneschal, as an April Fool gag in its own right. The quote attributed to him is not made up — it is taken directly from his response (in jest) to our gag letter. And the "top secret Seneschal report" alluded to in the FOIA letter does exist, as Aaron's own April Fool's stunt. But then, Aaron is the Guildmaster of House Fanucci, so no humor is too warped for him. We hope you enjoyed this little jest.