November 16, 2002
Shire of Dun Ard - Leavenworth, KS
Hunt Lodge, Fort Leavenworth
Report by 'Princess' Cricket (a long-haired black-and-tan Dachshund) Scribed for her by Jenna of SouthWind (a long-haired brunette raised by a dachshund)
I was sad when I saw Mommy and Jenna getting ready to go bye-bye, but then Ricky put my harness on me and I know that means I get to go ridey-ride. I got to ride in the van on a cushion. We got to a place that Jenna likes very much and a nice-smelling man dressed like a tree talked to her through the window and looked at her and Mommy's licenses (which they do not wear around their necks like sensible dogs) and let us go. I was very upset because although the nice man smelled very clean and not at all like a tree I wanted to clean his nostrils for him because Mommy and Jenna said that he was a Soldier and we should all be good to our military.
We got to the Hunt Lodge, which is a place I like to go, and a nice man named John Charles from Atlantia helped Jenna carry stuff while Mommy took me for a walkie. I sniffed many many blades of grass. Then we went in the hall and Jenna and Mommy put things on the table called A&S Competition. They were all supposed to be Rats in Any Medium but none of the things smelled like rodents at all. Mommy's smelled nicest because she'd made rolls that looked like The Tasty Things in the aquarium at the end of Jenna's bed. I would have liked to eat the rolls. I would also like to eat The Tasty Things but Jenna won't let me have any of them.
Mommy and I met some people and then we went and took a bit of a nap in the van because we'd gotten up really early. When we woke up we went in the hall for lunch. I was very hungry because I'd had my pitiful small amount of diet dog food for breakfast very early, and I had not had any tastes of Daddy's snacks all morning long. I got a boiled egg and cheese and bread and stew and it was very nice. Then we went to watch the people in wonderful stinky clothes hit each other. Some of them were called Wharf Rats only they didn't smell like rodents, and some of them were called Exterminators but none of them smelled like a bug man, and they all had little pens that they called boats that they stood inside while they hit each other. Everybody laughed a whole lot. One of the Wharf Rats had grey pointed ears and fake whiskers on her metal hat, and a long grey tail. She came over and meowed at me and made some hissing noises but she didn't smell at all like the Unspeakable Thing That Must Not Live in the next yard west even if she was the same color.
Mommy and I rested some more while Jenna went inside with her friends. Later she came out and brought Mommy and me biscotti from Ki's shop. Mommy likes biscotti a lot. I like them too, they are nice and crunchy like the dog biscuits John in the next yard north gives us, only sweet. The pinkie ones that smell like roses were nice. Jenna and I went for a walkie and looked at the people who throw sticks too fast to catch. Jenna said they were shooting at targets that looked like rats, but they didn't smell like rodents at all. I had a nice time meeting people and Dakota the Sheltie and sniffing many blades of grass. Then we went inside and sniffed many things and people. I sniffed the Alpha Male Kensor. He could use some dog hair on his clothes. I thought about leaving some on the cushion in front of his pretty chair but Jenna pulled me away before I could plop there.
I wanted very much to go into the kitchen because it smelled so good, even better than at lunchtime. Everybody came in the hall and I felt a little nervous because I am a small dog down low and some of the people didn't pay enough attention where I was not to mention not letting me lick their noses. Jenna brought the two-butt-wide chair and I sat in one half on Jenna's mantle and Mommy sat on the other. I had a drink of water out of Mommy's mug, and then we had some dinner. I had bread with garlic margarine on it, and Cornish game hen with spices different than Mommy uses, and a bite of stuffing with bacon, and a green bean. Then I had some bites of Lamb, which I have never had but it's very nice indeed. I wanted more but Mommy was afraid I would over-eat and Urp. While the people ate they gave cheese to all the fighters, and prizes to people who throw sticks fast, and to people who entered Rats in Any Medium even though none of the entries smelled like Rats. A man with a dinner plate with a picture of a rat on it won bestest. Mommy got second-bestest like I did in obedience school, and Jenna got third-bestest for making a Rat that was inside a big Snake named N. E. Medium. I wish I had a rat inside my tummy.
I was not allowed any of the dessert, which was cheesecake with rubber rats on it. That was not fair, because there were lots and lots of all the foods, and people were taking home cheesecake and I would have been glad to save someone the problem of taking cheesecake home. People were going to stay and have fun but we were all so tired we got in the van. I almost got to take home some food because just past the place on the fort where the holy dead people are, a Venison ran in front of the van and Mommy said that Jenna nearly nailed it. Then three more Venison came and stood around. Mommy said they were smart Venison who had seen cars before. They didn't cross the road which was very disappointing because I would have liked to take home three Venison - I had some venison meat in the Grimfells once, and it was very nice. I was almost asleep on the way home when Jenna stopped really fast again, and Mommy said it was a coon that ran across the road. I've seen lots of flat coons by the side of the road, but I'd never seen a round one. I would have liked it if Jenna had nailed the coon so we could take it home and eat it and play with the fur. We went home, and went right to sleep.
I had a very nice time and so did everyone else, but I'm still sorry I didn't get to kiss any of the nice-smelling soldiers, and I'm really sorry Jenna didn't get any Venison.
Delta Female, SouthWind Hall Pack
Note: Cricket is a long-haired dachshund, The Tasty Things are Jenna's pet mice.
This report may be reprinted and circulated by any means print or electronic by any parties chivalrous enough to give full authorship credit - to Cricket as author, and Jenna as scribe. This report may be edited for length but not content.