Future SCA Events to Take Place Only in Facebook

Bowing to the inevitable, the Board of Directors of the SCA Inc. has announced that beginning May 1, 2016, all SCA events will take place in cyberspace, using Facebook.

As the saying goes, "It's amazing how many computers are needed to recreate the Middle Ages!" The SCA will finally abandon obsolete real-world artifacts such as feasts and combat, and will instead become a cyberspace organization focused primarily on a collection of Facebook pages.

According to the memorandum from the Board, each Kingdom will be allowed to have its own Facebook page as they do now, and any that don't have Facebook pages will be required to get them. SCA members will also be required to have Facebook accounts, and this will be linked to event attendance. The technical details are still being finalized, but current plans call for each "event activity" to have its own Facebook posting. SCA members from all around the world will be able to "Like" these postings, which will be construed as having virtually attended the activity and participated.

For activities such as A&S exhibits, members can post ideas and project concepts onto Facebook, and other members can "Like" these items to help them move toward virtual completion. Once a member attains a total of ten thousand "Likes" for their A&S postings, they will automatically become eligible for membership in the Order of the Laurel, with approval of their Kingdom's current Royalty.

Combat activities will also move to cyberspace, with fighters posting photos of themselves with their chosen weapon in hand. No armor will actually be needed, since there will be no actual exchange of blows, but the tradeoff for loss of armor is that now fighters will be able to use any weapon they wish, including live steel and firearms (the latter, of course, being limited to the primitive types that existed before 1600 CE, so as not to spoil the SCA's authenticity). Artificial distinctions between combat styles (armored combat, rapier combat, equestrian combat, etc.) will be eliminated, and all combatants will participate on an equal footing. The challenger of each bout will declare the time limit when it will end, and if their opponent accepts, the "Like" tally begins. Whichever combatant gains the most "Likes" within the stated time period is nominally the winner, but in the finest and most authentic tradition, their opponent is expected to post an online "Yield" in order to graciously and honorably acknowledge the victory. Fighters who win over ten thousand bouts in this way can apply to their Kingdom's current Royalty for admission into the Order of Chivalry.

The Order of the Pelican will be least affected by the changes, as the Board's memo notes that many members of this order already do things like web site maintenance, administration, and finance, that are quite modern in character. What will change, however, is that Royalty may now offer a Pelican to those who excel in quantity and quality of software design, forum moderation, and server administration.

Banishment will be decentralized, and under the new system anyone will be able to effectively banish anyone else with whom they disagree. In Facebook, this will be accomplished by "Unfriending" the person or persons who have offended you. Board members have expressed their hope that this mechanism will provide a constructive "safety valve" to allow members to more peacably resolve their differences, or at least to part company without bloodshed.

Another advantage of the new system is that there is almost no possibility of injury to participants, which was always a possibility when people were riding horses, poking each other with steel swords, eating food prepared by non-certified volunteers, or bashing each other with chunks of grass as thick as your fist. This will reduce the SCA's liability risk considerably.

Those who oppose the new policy often cite the fact that cyberspace didn't exist in the Middle Ages, but the Board refutes that assertion, citing a contrary opinion from a noted historian's extremely high-calibre scholarly research.

The Board's announcement has stirred some controversy among SCA members who choose, for whatever reason, not to apply for a Facebook account. The Board welcomes comments on this policy, and such comments should be posted to their Facebook page.


This article is a work of fictional parody, and it does not represent the position of the SCA Inc. Facebook is acknowledged as a trademark of its owner.