Cheezburger network to take over

Yes, you can haz mediebel storiez!!1!

The publishers of SCAtoday announced that their website had been acquired by the vast même web network Cheezburger, Inc., hosts to popular websites LolCats, I haz a hotdog, and Daily Squee. SCAtoday was the last webpage on the internet not to be dedicated to pictures of cats.

Beginning April 2, all stories will be presented in the form of pictures captioned in giant white letters. Spelling and grammar will be limited to that of an above-average house pet but not lower than a mid-level technology manager.

Cheezburger executives said they looked forward to the merger, saying "All your pages are belongs to us!" They intend to improve the quality of the site, explaining "I'm in ur court reports, checkin ur precedence."

While most of the SCAtoday staff were looking forward to the change, and the free kittens that come along with it, site founder Justinos Tekton was less than enthusiastic about the forced merger. "Nooooooooooo!!!! they be stealin' mah website!"

It was a hostile takeover!

Do not believe the blatant untruths told by Sabine in this story! We did not go quietly into that good night! She collaborated in secret with Cheezburger because they bribed her, and they are offering to triple the fabulous salary she was earning from me.

Besides, contrary to what Sabine claims, this isn't about kittens -- it's about her new despotic corporate overlords wanting to cash in on the burgeoning cell phone marketplace. Seriously, Sabine, did you think the horrible spelling wouldn't give away Cheezburger's secret plan to conquer the mobile device marketplace?

I am very hurt, deeply and personally, by Sabine's betrayal of our trust. I had just increased her gruel quota from 100 mL per day to 105 mL per day, and offered to let her use the staff outhouse for free instead of having to pay. With such a bounty of perks, one might have expected at least some level of personal loyalty. Alas, Sabine has gone chasing the filthy lucre of Cheezburger's vast corporate empire.

To the rest of the staff, rest assured that as your Publisher I take away a valuable lesson from the loss of such a key serf as Sabine, and in my new role as Assistant Deputy Administrative Overlord of Cheezburger, I promise to always remember this deeply-ingrained life experience. As a result, daily floggings will be doubled until we are certain the morale has improved.

On a personal note, extends heartfelt best wishes to Dame Alys Katharine, our frequent contributor and quasi-official Grammar Police, for a swift and comfortable recovery from the apoplexy brought on by reading Sabine's story. "U R in are thots, GF".

Hosstil Taikover

Horsefeathers, I say!  Horsefeathers!  It was not apoplexy; merely a brief swoon of indignation!

O rly?

Since there is absolutely no difference between lolspeak, cellphone texts, and the spelling I use in formal work correspondance, I do not see how you could have come to that conclusion. Don't shoot the messenger, or the messenger's kittens.

Besides, have you noticed that your website gets taken over a lot? First by commies, and now this? Can't you take a HINT?

Anyway, I am off to count my vault full of solid gold kittens plus a few hedgehogs and 1 really small cute owl.