Steampunk community encounters first elf, asks SCA for help

The Steampunk community was up in arms this year at the appearance of a man in elf ears at a convention in Baltimore, MD.

"It was awful!" said a woman in brown pants and goggles. "He had elf ears, little purple wings, and vampire teeth! Really, vampire teeth.  What's up with that?" "We spent months carefully crafting our personas and costumes," said a man wearing brown pants and goggles, "and a clown like this comes along and ruins the atmosphere."

The elf defended himself, saying that his costume was completely in line with the Steampunk ethos. "I used my fantasmagorical time machine to travel to 14th century Germany where people believed in faerie folk, which proves they totally could exist in Victorian times."

With thousands of SCAdians running like lemmings to Steampunk events, the new Victorians reached out to the few remaining active SCA members to ask for advice. Suggestions were varied and included embracing the beauty of creative anachronism, showing him the way by good example, and sending a mob to chase him around the convention with a wooden stake until he repented of his ways.

A passing Duchess clad in brown pants and goggles suggested that they have the elf banished from the realm at the next SCA event. It seemed like a good idea but no one could figure out if the banishment would apply to Steampunk conventions, even if all the same people were there.

Eventually a compromise was reached with the elf agreeing to wear brown pants and cover his ears with goggles, but only during panels and at Dr. Simmons' Groovetastic Excelloball Formal Dance.

What an outrage!

This incident illustrates exactly the kind of slippery slope which will decimate our culture if we tollerate such blatant disregard for the stated aesthetics of our imaginary groups! Suppose we allow ear-covering with goggles? What's next? Will the Fairies want to run the next Excelloball? Will brown pants be required at all banishings? This seriously harshes my mellow and since I am opposed to all change, I think we should definitely stick with the time honored standards we have painstakingly developed over the last few weeks. I believe we should attempt to intimidate anyone who vaguely challenges our in-group sensibilities, and we should do it with something much harsher than wooden stakes. Hope I don't offend by being so honest. We're all entitled to our opinions!

In the vernacular?

Tsk, tsk. A proper lady of these Current Middle Ages should at least deliver her tirades in Latin or Greek.

Et verbum custodiat tibi vobiscum sicut erat in principio.