Issue 21 Full of Crunchy Goodness

The Quarter: Is it a dessert wax or a floor topping? Delicious new Fall Coronation Issue of The Quarter promises rock-hard abs and wrinkle free garb in just seven days, or your money back! Tired of SCA newsletters that promise results, but all you get are the same tired muscles? Are you sick of spending day after day watching all your friends in their shiny new cars, while you still drive that old wreck? Do women ignore you because of your receding hairline? Do men ignore you because you haven't discovered the mysterious beauty secrets of Oil of Okay?

Now you can Have It All, with the great new Popeil Pocket Newsletter, The Quarter! It fits in your briefcase, your purse, your lunchbox, and even your hard disk. The Quarter ends those tiring rituals of scrubbing, cleaning, and rinsing, rinsing, rinsing your toenails to remove unsightly blemishes. Now with just one smooth motion and a brief surge of agony, unwanted hair is removed from your toes, your knees, and your kitchen floor.

With its non-toxic "Known World Kvetching Symposium" and its chewy "Wacky Woodkut Kaption Kontest," the latest issue of The Quarter is safe around pets, but kills bugs dead, dead, dead. Get twice the exercise with half the effort, in just one Total Fitness Machine.

Order yours today! Operators are standing by!

The Quarter is not sold in stores. Void where prohibited, taxed, or licensed. Only one entry per household, please. Your mileage may vary. Closed course with professional driver; do not attempt. Mind the gap. Caution: The beverage you are about to enjoy is very hot. Shipping and handling charges not included.